Fetish always a rollercoaster

Having this fetish is always a roller coaster. Between feelings of inadequacy when it comes to feeling ‘normal,’ worrying about someone finding out, juggling the thoughts of why you sexually enjoy the thought of pain and suffering to yourself or a proxy of yourself; there’s a lot to feel badly about.

I find the answer in balance. I’ve been ‘hot’ in regards to this fetish for a long while but now, hundred or more stories later, it’s lost a lot of it’s luster but I find myself more at a sexual no-mans-land rather than crawling to the ‘normalcy’ of vanilla sex.

Perhaps, like the Roman decline, the answer to my fizzle lied in the extremities of scat content. My choice of entertainment, due to boredom, went extreme and now even that is unsatisfying. But where do you go from there? I mean, this is my niche so where do I get off?

The new becomes old quickly, it’s almost an insatiable hunger at times but I’m no heathen, you wouldn’t recognize me outside of the net; my secrets are my own.

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