I often question what’s better; to full embrace these urges within me or to remain a semi-normal member of society, living in secret.

Do I want to sniff a chair when a woman has walked away? No, not really; it’s not an impulse or urge that comes to me on the spot. Perhaps it’s I’ve never had the suspicion a woman farted on a chair previous to standing from it but I doubt I’d react differently.

Would I perhaps have a further understanding of this thing inside me if I did? Perhaps. But I think, arguably, this is a path; once you tread down this path, it could be difficult to leave and I’m not sure I want this to rule my life. At best, a comfortable person I can discuss it with but even then, why?

Why do I need to discuss it? At times, it is difficult to just bare it alone; I’ve already written (perhaps owe a post to) about the quick decay of new content; the endless, lusty pursuit. That, in itself, scares me enough, in the privacy of my own home, how I act regarding porn content, to not really have urges to act upon any fetish desires. It doesn’t rule me.

I often think it’s a difficult thing to be normal and likely it is. Probably equally as likely is this particular struggle makes normalcy a much different path to attain; balances are found, compromises struck because, face it, it’s not like you’re going to suddenly love straight intercourse because your fetish is ‘all used up’ and you want to play normal now.

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